Death and Taxes are not the only Guarantees in Life…
We often forget to mention change as a guarantee in life. When it comes to change, we either (a) adjust or (b) fail to adjust and either (a) accept the consequences or (b) live in denial.
One thing is for certain, change doesn’t care how you deal with it…it’s going to happen regardless of whether or not you have a plan.
Before I jump into the psychology of change and how to mitigate the impact of change, I will address the obvious question you probably have.
Why cheese?
I just finished reading “Who Moved My Cheese”, by Dr. Spencer Johnson. It took about an hour to finish and I came out of it understanding how negative self-talk, thinking traps, and fear hinder our ability to work through change.
A brief synopsis of “Who Moved My Cheese”:
Exploring a simple way to take the fear and anxiety out of managing the future, Who Moved My Cheese? can help you discover how to anticipate, acknowledge, and accept change in order to have a positive impact on your job, your relationships, and every aspect of your life. — Amazon.com
Interested in reading this hidden gem? click here.
If you find yourself afraid or resistant to change, this guide will help you. If you putz around anxiously awaiting for a “sign” or someone to tell you what to do amidst change, this guide will help you.
There is only one rule: You must be willing to put in the work.
Step one: Acknowledge change is happening…
…and will continue to happen.
For many of us, blissful ignorance is just that…blissful. The thing is, blissful ignorance is blissful until it’s not. How many stories have we heard of the small business owner that believed e-commerce would never take over? Or the taxi drivers that thought UBER or LYFT would never succeed.
Where are they now? Possibly working for Amazon, or driving for UBER, respectively.
There is much power in simply acknowledging the fact that your situation is changing. You can either (a) adjust, or (b) fail to adjust. The decision is entirely up to you.
Step two: Negative Self-Talk? Stop it.
Easier said than done. If this were easy, psychotherapy would become obsolete. If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself…would there even be a friendship? Nope. Don’t lie. You talk to yourself as if you were a burning bag of dog poo on the doorstep of your worst enemy. This is what negative self-talk “sounds” like:
“This is too difficult.”
“I’ll never get past this.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“Why is this happening to me?”
Sound familiar? Catching yourself while you spiral down into the pit of endless despair is difficult. I encourage you to try a hard mental redirect (i.e. telling yourself “stop it” and thinking of something else…anything else) when you realize your self-talk is…degrading. You will soon realize how often you poo on yourself and that alone is a lot to absorb.
Step three: What are you afraid of?
Fear drives so many of us. Let’s apply a basic cognitive behavioral approach:
If thoughts drive behaviors then fear will likely prevent me from adjusting to change. Fear will prevent me from seeking strategies to accept and overcome change. Meaning, fear will paralyze me and keep me in a constant state of denial.
Fear keeps us in our comfort zones which hinders the actions necessary to adapt and overcome change. If you find yourself stuck here, I highly encourage you seek therapy. If fear is driving you (and you aren’t being chased by bears), you are limiting your true potential. Imagine what you could do if you weren’t afraid…
Change is inevitable. Change can be scary. Change is not the end. You can and will get off the Change Struggle Bus if you explore these three initial steps. We are complex beings, and sometimes the best course of action is psychotherapy. Other times, it’s a few minutes of self-reflection each day to figure out what is keeping you stuck. Be realistic and understand that it will take time.
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